The forbidden word

Are you aware what your greatest force in life is?  Could it be this word, this feeling? 

“It’s dark at night.  You are walking on your own.  No one seems to be around.  There is a tunnel in front of you.  The fluorescent light flashes with a random beat.  After taking a deep breath, you decide to take this short cut.  As soon as you enter, you notice there are all sorts of creepy graffiti on the wall.  One image of a hopeless woman catches your attention.  She looks at you right in the eyes begging for your help, but there is nothing you can do because her heart is cut open. 

Halfway through the subway, the light went off.  Surrounded by pitch darkness, you realize you are not alone.  Something or someone has been following you all along.  Then, you hear a recognizable whisper.  It’s a voice too familiar that you can’t seem to identify who that is.  That being is getting closer. You can feel the presence next to you.  Now, what is your reaction?”

Some friends and I have chosen this word as the subject for our first collaborative project.  One exercise is to describe and visualize the feeling without using the word at all.  That’s why it is prohibited in this entry.  Before we go any further, the first thing is to dig in ourselves for a personal examination.  Then, the research will move on to others.  With all the riots in the city this past week, this is an especially significant topic to investigate.  The incident is creating intense emotions among Londoners.

This feeling has driven generations of people, including me, to run away from life.  My existence used to be a mess.  Being ashamed of my identities, I was concerned of what people wound think when they found out who I really was.  Such an anxiety urged me to make decision that was harmful to my soul.  I became my own enemy criticizing every bit and piece of my being.  Nothing was left at the end.  My heart was paralyzed.

Yet as mentioned in my previous writings, my inner self has turned into my best companion.  The transforming process was painful but definitely worthwhile.  We all have our own specific journey to carry on.  I believe as long as you and I have the guts to go for it, life is always full of possibility.

Have you got what the word is by now?  So what is your utmost _ _ _ _?

昨日看了一齣叫「A Single Man」的電影，故事講述一個52歲的大學教授因接受不了同居16年男友車禍過身的事實，在準備自殺前所遇見的人和事，男主角George在他人生最後一天彷彿以不同的目光去看平日毫不起眼的東西，由與學生對話、同事閒談、陌生人撘訕到摯友共餐，他都表現得恰到好處，雖然題目敏感，但整齣戲沒有半點煽情，以感性的角度去反思人生的種種。

情感豐富的我，當然有被細膩的畫面所觸動，究竟我們窮一生精力所建立和逃避的事，有多少是真正的重要？你又知否自己為什麼而活？

與幾個友人正在構思一個藝術計劃，題材圍繞一種感覺/一個字，它令到無數弱小心靈在人生中迷路，而我亦曾經因為它而更改生命的航道，它是誰？答案很容易在以上英文版找到。;-)

Watched this fascinating film last night.  All my sentiments were awaken as a result.  The story illustrates the day of a 52 years-old professor, George, as he prepares himself for a suicide.  He could no longer stand the pain from the loss of his life partner, Jim, who was killed in a car accident.  Though the subject is sensitive, the movie is rather beautiful and reflective than depressing.  Even the everyday little thing seems different through his eyes.  I especially enjoy his dialogues with his students, receptionist, colleague, stranger, and beloved friend.  I will start reading the original book by Christopher Isherwood soon!

The interaction between Jim & George in his flashback are one of my favorite moments during the movie.

有朋自遠方來，不亦樂乎。Visit from Hong Kong no.1 - Kin Sir.  We were at SoHo!  Thank you for stopping by to see me, buddy.

First official British home-made dinner?!  I had the privilege to join Kin Sir's traveling campions to dine at one friend's relative's home in London.  Have to say it's somewhat similar to the general American style home dinner though.

Meanwhile, life modeling continues...  This is the longest session I have ever done - 10:30am - 5pm.   The chair covered by a golden cloth was where I sat.

This life drawing session was held at the Tricycle Theatre on the left.  I was utterly blown away by the portrait on the right.  My friends said it's me ten years from now.  What do you think?

Wow! So many Winston on papers & Canvas!  I always appreciate portrayal of me from other artists.

Helped out for a friend's photography project.  Loads of fun!

Natural and casual - exactly who we are, haha...

Dance dance, butterfly dance!  Snap snap, camera, snap!

Why are we on the tree?  Cos my second visit from Hong Kong - Gale just loves it!  His hubby, Simone, was looking at us from below.  He later also joined us on above.

We then checked out a garden place, with a big variety of plants.  I do admire their pure love and commitment to nature.

Tapas at a Spanish restaurant.  Thank you for your company, my friends!

First picture of the Big Bang though I passed by it a million times.

Captivated by the talents on the wall.  My friend told me the judges of the street art are the neighbors.  They will decide what stays & goes.

Her gorgeous graffiti with another friend on the right.

The kitchen of where I'm working.  Nice & clean, huh~~

Second floor of the restaurant.  BTW, I also had my first experience of washing public toilet - definitely something memorable!

Live jazz at a different bar - Night Jar.  Hearty music waters the soul.

Visit from Hong Kong no.3 - Fransca stayed over one night at my place as her hotel was too far away.  Thank you for the good catch up & conversation.

We watched our first ever British musical - Love Never Dies.   I am amazed by their professionalism. - stunning stage design, breathtaking voice, and dazzling costume.  Absolutely worth the price of the ticket though we were half price, ha!

The theatre where we had our virgin experience.