Showing posts with label life modeling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life modeling. Show all posts

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Honest Truth

YOU DID IT!  I am sooooo proud of you!  This is not a dream.  We made it!
Can’t believe it as well.  I was literally in shock the moment I decided to write the letter to my parents.

The timing has come.  Since you said yes to share your story on Chris’s second book about depression, this decision is bound to happen as you want to be true without holding anything back.
Yes, because that also means my past struggles about homosexuality along with all the other issues will be public.  I would not want my family to find out about who I really am through a third source, like a book.  Thus, my only option is to compose a personal letter and tell them myself.

Though they still can’t accept that part of you, they love and support you all the way.  Isn’t that more than enough?
Of course, I am exceptionally grateful for their response.  We don’t have to agree on everything as long as we can respect each other.

Life is such a fascinating tale.  Your past 30 years were mostly about struggle.  Now even your strongest chain is set loose; you will have so much more energy to live and create.
It just keeps getting better.  Who knows what else will occur in the remaining time of my journey?  Yet my spirit is at ease.  I trust in life, and the flow is my greatest teacher. 

Aren’t you a little scared cos you have no concrete plan as of now?
My faith is firm.  Something will pop up sooner or later.  No rush.  Life is magnificent when you take your time to taste it.

You have indeed grown up, my love.  Please don’t forget I will continue to be by your side when you need me.
Muah! ^,^

一個困擾我30年的難題,終於在2012年劃上句號,無須再編謊話,能夠真誠地過活,是我一直夢寐以求的人生。

上回提到,那個重要的決定,其實是一封給家人的信,內容講述我的成長經歷,由小時候被排斥、同性性取向的掙扎、與基督信仰的糾纏與分離、抑鬱邊緣的崩潰到從谷底中爬出來及今時今日的蛻變,這些他們一直不知道的事,我都一一詳述。

那些重得驚人的包袱,會隨歲月變得輕省,到時機成熟,放下的一剎那,方才發覺我真的已長大,父母家姐雖然未能認同我的性取向,但他們對我的愛與支持仍舊不變,更為我的勇氣及經歷感到自豪,這不就是《天與地》所說的和諧嗎?不是一百個人說同一番話,是一百個人,有一百句不同的一番話之餘,而又互相尊重」親愛的爸媽,您們才是我的驕傲。


昨夜倫敦下雪了,對上一次感受雪花的燦爛,是
8年前在美國威斯康辛州實習時的冬天,久違了的嚴寒,卻剛好襯托著我熾熱暖的內心,這九個月來天氣的變更,彷彿見證著我戲劇性的變化,連這個千年心結都被解開,未來的日子,相信只會越來越豐富,然而不用急,就讓我從容不迫,靜待故事的發展。


Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
Beautiful/difficult way home - depending on how you look at it.
Sunny morning after snow.
Back to modeling.  What do you think about these pieces? 
Brought my beloved David to Passing Clouds on his last but my first night in London.  Will miss you, my love.
Farewell drink for Felix.  We shall meet in Germany!
Lovely Indian dinner with Polly during my last weekend in BCN.
Notice how I look differently?  Hint: Harry Potter.
The remaining gang before closing my last minute goodbye painting exhibition - living flow.  Amazed at how many people actually showed up despite the cold weather, I felt compelled to make a little speech about how art met my life during this journey.  
On my last day in BCN, I finally visited the famous Park Güell by Gaudi.  He lived here for 20 years.
Magnificent city view from the park.
 Lots of organic & natural shapes - just the way I like it.
Especially take pleasure in the rural part of the park.
Stopped by Caixa Forum - a very intriguing cultural centre.
Though the current exhibition was not impressive, I simply enjoyed spending time in this exceptional space with modern and classic architecture.  
Will always remember the gorgeous night view at the port.
How many cold nights did I run pass this scene to the boat?
It would have been terrific if I had the opportunity to try one of these boats, which I walked by everyday.
Presenting my shower room and toilet!
One morning I couldn't get a hold of the organizer of the squat and waited outside for an hour.  LOOK, I'm so used to posing now, lol!
My installation is site specific.
And it grows from the materials of the space.
It's coming alive!
Stay tuned for more pics on my web site later.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Next Chapter

After settling in London for 3 & half months, it’s time to get up & move again.  This first chapter was certainly a magnificent opening for the story.  Now the next one is about to begin.  Are you ready?
I am ready as you are.  The upcoming artist residency in Barcelona will be such a different experience from London.  You will focus your energy on creating and expressing.  Can’t wait to see the process and outcome of your latest artistic exploration.

The dream is finally coming true.  I will get to make and exhibit art in a vibrant and passionate country on this journey!  Wonder how my heart will evolve in the next phase. 
Grow into a more wholesome soul – that’s for sure.

Yet just when I thought I have come such a long way and have so many breakthroughs, loneliness haunted me a couple days ago.  He also brought other old friends along – self-pity, body-disgust, emptiness, and hopelessness...  They were having a barbecue in my heart.  I felt so defenseless.
Baby, you are one brave man.  Leaving all the good works and established contacts behind and start fresh in Europe is no easy task.  This genuine spirit is what keeps you going.  Those old acquaintances may visit once in a while, but they don’t define who you are.  Being revealed from within, your true self is at peace but full of compassion, sentiment, creativity, and energy.  Remember the image when you were meditating this morning?  The glow surrounded you and loosened your tense shoulder and back.  That very power came from above and within.  Don’t listen to your ego.  Dance with my soft voice.

It will be terrific if you can just take over, so I can have this clarity with me all the time.
You and I are one.  There is no such thing as one taking over the other.  Without you, I am nothing.  We are like Yin and Yang.  This inner journey you are stumbling through will let you experience the texture and flavor of life.  This is what you always believe, right?


Yes, but no one likes the feeling of weakness and not in control…
What about this expedition you are on?  Were you ever in charge?  One thing led to another as you started to say YES to possibility.  The flow of life took you to far more places than you could anticipate.  My boy, listen to yourself. “What’s wrong with being weak at times?”  The society and media always dump this picture of strong and sorted individualism upon us, and you are going to buy into all these bullshxt?  Excuse my language.

Can’t believe you just swear on this blog, haha!  I know what you mean.  In my past experience, sometimes it is our weaknesses that link us together.  Please remind me from time to time.
You are one big silly boy, who craves for a lot of love and intimacy.  Next time when those folks came to knock on the door, invite them in and we will have tea together!  It is just a matter of time.  Their stay will become shorter and shorter as you can embrace who you truly are.

I long to see that day when you & I wave the last goodbye to them.  THANK YOU again, my love.
Say no more.  Let’s have a hug.

近日的倫敦陽光普照,到處都是藍天白雲,回想過去三個多月的經歷,明白到一切都不是必然,無須付款的住宿、有善得過份的同屋、當藝術模特兒的機會、久違了的終極飛碟遊戲、還有能夠分享交心的新朋友...

離開熟悉的環境,放下舊有的包袱,連一些以往的禁忌都衝破了,又再認識自己多一點,但我清楚明白到自己的內心和這個旅程還有很長的路要走,故事的第一節快將完結,下一章緊接上演,中間只有數小時的航程,準備好了嗎,巴賽隆納

Attracted by the glorious sunshine in London, I had to capture this moment at the overground station.
A brainstorm section with my beloved gang!  Gotta love that wallpaper.
A pleasant life drawing session at an artist's studio though one of my lower leg almost got burned by the heater.  
Woah... simply blown away by the artists' "sketches".  Don't I look gorgeous by their hands? LOL
This second floor studio has a huge open gate toward the street.  It may look dangerous but has a splendid view and brings in fresh air.
Visit from Hong Kong no.4 - Peggy Mom enjoyed a "free" lunch at where I worked.  This is called Kiwi burger (bunless). No worry, it's beef, not kiwi bird meat...
Ali took us to an excellent Chinese restaurant for my first dim sum experience in London!  Thanks dear, yummy yummy~~
How can Peggy Mom miss out on a free hug activity?
Everyone deserves to have a little fantasy, right?  Chase after them, kiddo! 
We then stopped by the Press Photographer's Year - 2010: the year in pictures exhibition. Loads of spectacular photos of all those major happenings last year.
Time to swing again!  
Dazzling Alexandra Palace - perfect for swing dance party.
Meeting for our collaborative art project at this elegant bar/cafe called the Bridge.
Look at all the neat decorations which are pleasing to the eyes.  This is a great place for film.
Why so serious, bro?  And what are you hiding from us, sis?
Love this shot!  So full of life and capture the spirit of the city.
Hung out with two friends, a world traveler & a film artist, at a spacious park during sunset.
They both expressed that London is a city where nothing is permanent.  Everyone kept moving in & out.  Hard to have a sense of belonging, even lasting friendship...  
A modeling session took me to Brighton again.  This time it's SUNNY!  Yeah!!!
Long and wide beach, but not very suitable for swimming.  Too cold, man.
LOOK, Dragon, here's Brighton and the ocean in nice weather.  Wish you were here, haha...
Back to London.  Walked through the river thames during low tide.  A guy took advantage of it and attracted quite a bit of attention with his music down here.
Stopped by Liberty 2011 - London's Disability Arts Festival & watched two marvelous performances. This is "Wheels on Broadway".  Who said not everyone can enjoy art?  You can as long as you are open enough to try.
Fittings Multimedia Arts - a combination of tap dance, poetry, and drumming.
Continued walking.  This path could lead to Buckingham Palace.
Passed by Green Park - here is one more reason I love London - so many huge parks to ease your mind.
Decided to take off my shoes and feel the ground toward my next destination.  My feet were delighted to sense various texture on the way.  My friend Gale said it's an excellent way to be connected to and be harmonized with the earth.
Finally made it to Hyde Park and played two hours of Ultimate Frisbee.  Though my back hurt a little afterward, I don't regret tasting the last bits of summer in London.
Farewell, my frisbee couch-surfing buddies!  Hope to see you guys for other occasions in November.
An intriguing bar as the waiting area for the Southwark Playhouse, where my host & I watched two experimental plays.  I often wonder what this kind of places used to be.